The following is being passed around the interwebs quite a bit the last few days. I just read it and I’m going to keep it going. This is so good and I want all of you who have been so faithful to my journey these last two years to take the time to read it. But, don’t start reading it until you have time to fully digest it. Trust me on this one…READ IT!
New Year’s….’thing-ies’….??
Well, I never did find a different word to use instead of resolutions. I don’t make resolutions and I’ve never been very good at setting goals — well, not at setting them and achieving them, anyway. So, that left me no choice. This year, I will make New Year’s Thing-ies. These are not to be confused with thingamabobs which require a great deal more commitment! No, I think thing-ies will do just fine.
This year I decided to divide my New Year’s Thing-ies up into three categories: body, mind & spirit. You won’t find a long list of specifics here. Rather, what I decided was that this year (2012), I am going to endeavour to gradually put my life together in such a way that it finally makes me comfortable in my own skin. So, without further ado, my New Year’s Thing-ies for 2012!
Body
Four very simple words: eat better, move more. I weigh less now than I have in about 15 years and this is without even trying very hard. Since I went back to school last spring, I have cut way, WAY down on all the snacking or, boredom eating, that I had been doing. I simply didn’t have time for it and it’s very hard to eat and write research papers at the same time without getting peanut butter, jelly, chocolate and potato chip crumbs on the computer!
For 2012 I’m actually going to make an effort. I will eat out less. I will cook fresh food more — this is something I love doing anyway. In all honesty I don’t even really like to eat out, but it has become a habit and one I intend to break. That’s all I intend to “promise” about the eating thing. I won’t say I’m going to cut back on red meat, eat more fish, etc because it doesn’t seem very practical for me — at least not right now. But, I will eat less of what I cook.
I will also move more. No, I’m not going out to join a gym tomorrow. There is not one close by and I don’t have the money to do that anyway. But, I will do some sort of physical exercise every day. I am very fortunate to live in a town where it is not dangerous to walk on the streets at night. I also have access to the track at the stadium virtually anytime I want to go. So, this will not be a stretch. I will also try to get some other form of exercise, too when I know I can do it successfully.
(…this thingy may seem a bit of a cop-out to some of you, but I will not say something I already know will be highly unlikely for me to achieve.)
Mind
Is it too easy to say, “finish school”? I mean, really, barring any completely unforseen circumstance that is going to happen. No, I’m going to say it anyway. Finish school. There, now that one is out of the way. I also intend to read more — and NOT TEXTBOOKS! It has been such a long time since I’ve been able to just read for pleasure or for my own edification. That needs to happen and that will happen. Last, but certainly not least, finish these menacing grad school applications and get them sent in. For some reason or another, these applications are as daunting to me as has been any paper I’ve written since I’ve been back in school. They need to be done!
One other thing here that is almost completely out of my control….get into grad school somewhere. But, that one doesn’t really count as a thingy because there is only so much I can do to make it happen.
Spirit
Three words: do something fun! It has been so long since I’ve been able to go do something just for poops and giggles. Either work or money or my anxiety crap or school or a combination of the lot has been an insurmountable obstacle for nearly four years now. That has to end!
There was a time when I actually had hobbies. I sang, I played piano, I went places with friends, I saw shows and movies…you get the gist. But, I haven’t done a lot of that in a while. My two best friends in the world live only an hour away from me and the last time I saw them was Christmas Eve of 2007, with the exception of an ill-fated trip to Dallas last Christmas when I saw them for about 10 minutes! The point is, I haven’t done anything for fun in a very long time. That stops this year! It may take until after I graduate in May, but mark my words it is going to happen!!
I’m also going to spend more time outside. I need to get re-acquainted with the sun. My yard looks awful and needs tending to and my skin is so white it could stop traffic. No more being holed up inside. I’m getting out of this house as much as is practical and possible.
There you have it! My New Year’s Thing-ies for 2012 are on the books. There is one more that I did not mention here now, but I will post about it later. It deserves a post all its own. As I said, I intentionally did not make a long, bulleted list of resolutions or goals because I know myself and I know it would be just another list of things I DID NOT do. There are things that are both practical and possible for me. I encourage you to do the same.
Have a happy, healthy and blessed New Year! May 2012 be the year that all of your thing-ies come true!!
Day (115) – A.D.D. (Adventure Deficit Disorder)
“Suck less to success.” I like it…click on the link below and read. I think you’ll like it, too!
All I wanna do is…
Somewhere in rural Vermont, or New Hampshire, or Virginia, or Georgia, or Tennessee, or Texas, or Colorado, or Wyoming, or Oregon (you get the picture) there is a small cabin. It’s an old cabin, built many years ago by bigger, stronger and better hands than mine. The cabin is well off the beaten path and has no telephone or television. Heat for cooking and comfort is available only with wood and a match. The cabin sits in a clearing amidst a stand of tall trees on a little hill overlooking a small pond. There is a garden that provides plenty of fruits and vegetables. Town is far enough away not to be a disturbance but close enough to be convenient for necessities.
A window in the cabin overlooks the pond and, when open, provides a cool breeze that blows through. Day by day I sit at a desk next to the window where I have my computer sitting. (No heavy typewriters for me…too dangerous!) I write for hours — banging away at the ‘great American novel’. When I’m hungry, I eat. When I need fresh air I go outside. But, mostly I write. Because that’s what I want to do…write!
Can you see it? I can.
I suppose this vision is a bit Misery-esque, save the crazed fan with sledge hammer and old typewriter, but I think for me the point is that all I want to do is write. I loathe the idea of being constrained by office hours or a schedule. I want to be able to work when I feel creative and relax when I do not. I want the little cabin and the trees and the pond and the garden and the quiet. I want it literally, but I will take it metaphorically. Either way, I want to write!
Unfortunately, my dream does not fit very well with the world we live in. There aren’t very many people who have the luxury and the ability to just be writers and nothing else. Bills must be paid, obligations must be met and nobody eats for free! I guess I could give in to reality and be done with it. That’s what most people would expect me to do because I’m so…..practical. But, I can’t. I can’t just give up on it that easily. I have never wanted anything in life more than I want this.
I have to find a way to make this happen and I’m not too sure how to do that. That is what I have to figure out because all I want to do is write.
Five Ways to Find Your Future
OK, I know I promised not to bombard your inbox, but I Just read this post on another blog and it ties in perfectly with my post from earlier today. The blog is called Leadership Freak and you can get to the post by clicking the link below.
The trouble with options
I have never been very good at making choices — well, not at making good ones, anyway.
I like to put on a good face when it comes to wisdom and it has worked with a lot of people. God only knows why, but there are people in this world who think of me as wise. I just let them go on thinking it, but that is not a word I would use to describe myself despite my pontification(s)! With wisdom comes the ability to make good choices and, let’s face it, I have yet to prove myself able to do that.
Now, here I am faced with the realization that in about five months time I will need to make some of the biggest choices I have ever had to make. Presumably, if all goes well between now and then, I will have multiple options in front of me. The prospect of this scares me to the point that I don’t even want to think about it most days. But, right now, while we’re on winter break, I don’t have a lot to think about other than that. So, here I sit….at 7:00 in the morning, in my living room, my legs wrapped in a knitted throw, with my cat sitting next to me looking at me quizzically as if she knows the weight of the world is on my shoulders but can’t do anything to help. (Or, maybe she just wants me to feed her….) Add the soft glow of my still-lit Christmas tree and the whole scene is positively theatrical!
But, I digress…
I’m applying for three graduate programs in English: Texas Christian University (PhD in Comp/Rhet), Texas Tech (PhD in Tech Comm/Rhet) and the University of Texas at Arlington (MA in Comp/Rhet). Those are listed in my order of preference. I have no idea if I will be accepted to any of those three programs and its entirely possible I will not, but I suppose it is equally possible that I could be accepted to all three. The Texas Tech program is an online program, but the other two are traditional. To start either of them would mean moving, finding a job, a place to live, etc; a daunting task in this current economic crisis!
There is also the option of simply finding a job and moving without graduate school in the mix. When I moved back home in late 2006 with the intention of returning to school to finish my degree I never intended the move to be permanent. I love my family, but I’m not particularly fond of living in small town East Texas. It works for many people, but it just doesn’t work for me. The trouble with this option is obvious: finding a job right now is not the easiest thing in the world to do. Oh, and there is also the issue of not having any furniture since I sold it all after I moved back home. I guess I could sit in a lawn chair……..
Last (and least favorite) is the option of staying put for the time being. I have a job that I like. My family is here and I like them. Some have suggested that once I finish my degree I will be offered a better job although I have seen no indication of this and am doubtful about the possibility. Nonetheless, staying is an option. It would mean some time to decompress after four years of the stress accompanied with attending school full-time and working full-time. There’s no doubt I could use the break.
These are all options, but they’re all options that hinge on something else. So, why am I worrying about them now? Because I know that once the pieces all fall into place I will need to make a decision fairly quickly and my history with quick decisions does not paint a picture of prudence or practicality. (Nice alliteration, huh?) That’s why I have to at least think about them now. My brain is a lot like the engine in an old car: it works best after it warms up for a while!
Any thoughts here would be most appreciated.
For the Newbies
I’d like to start off by saying welcome to all of the newest subscribers to I Breathed Again — I’m glad that you’re here. I’m writing this short post so that you have an idea what to expect when I write something new here. You will get an email with an except of the post and a link to the page. All you have to do to read the whole post is click on that link and, voila, there you go. In the subscription confirmation email you received there should be a button near the bottom that says, “Manage my subscription” (or something like that). From there you can go and set up your subscription however you wish.
Don’t worry about getting bombarded with emails from the blog! I don’t post here nearly as much as I posted on Facebook. In fact, I think if an average were taken I probably post about once a month at most. So, your inbox won’t be full of messages from me. I don’t like getting bombarded from other blogs and I won’t do it to you — I promise!
I encourage you to comment. I love the feedback. At the bottom of each post there is a link to click if you want to comment. While I don’t usually post things that are controversial, there have been occasions where discussions, and even a few disagreements have taken place. I don’t mind this at all! I think a healthy debate is good for the soul. The only thing I ask is that you are courteous to other commentors, that you use appropriate language for a public forum and that you are just generally courteous. Failure to be respectful and the use of foul or offensive language could result in your being banned (although I try not to do that).
Finally, you will notice on the sidebars —————-(over there)—————->that I have links to other blogs. These are all blogs that I read on a regular basis and I encourage you to visit them, too. I will be adding more in the coming weeks and months. I will also be adding books that I recommend.
So, there you go. That’s kinda how it all works. I’m glad you are all here and I hope you’ll come back often and that you’ll encourage others to do so as well. You can also follow me on Twitter by clicking the “Follow me on Twitter” link (clever name, huh?) in the middle column.
That’s all for now….until next time!
J
Be it resolved….or, not?
I am not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions. In my opinion they’re generally a big waste of time. However, I think I’m going to set a few New Year’s Goals for 2012. It’s going to be a monumentally eventful year in my life and I feel like it’s a good time to hit the <Reset> button. Not many people get “do overs” but I think I am about to get one, and that calls for a wholesale change.
Here is my question for you:
Do I tell people my goals or keep them to myself??
There is something to be said for either option. On the one hand, if I tell people what these goals are, then I have built-in accountability. On the other, if I do not tell people, I avoid embarrassment should I not achieve them. I really cannot make up my mind. So, I am asking for your thoughts.
Go on…..tell me…..I’m waiting!
Ghosts of Christmases Past
I confess that many of my memories from childhood are skewed in the haze of nostalgia that surrounds them. (I think that’s actually true for most of us.) But, this is especially true with regards to my memories of Christmases when I was young. It is entirely possible that my memory of those holidays bears little, if any, resemblance to what actually happened. Nevertheless, it is the memory of those Christmases past that drives my desire for the present.
I have caught a lot of flack over the past few years for my insistence that Christmas be celebrated with as much splendor as possible. I want lights, trees, ornaments, food and, yes, even gifts. But, I want these things not simply because I have bought into the “commercialization of Christmas” (whatever the heck that means). No, in fact, I want these things because they are the only remaining ties I have to those Christmases from my childhood. They are the only tangible souvenirs of a simpler and happier time.
A lot has changed for me over the past five years or so. As any of you who follow this blog regularly have read, I gave up a life I’d built and was quite happy with in late 2006 to return home and return to school. I moved back to Grand Saline from Dallas, moved in with my mother, found a job in Tyler and worked to get myself to a place financially where, in early 2008, I started back to school. Since moving back and going back to school my life has been turned upside down not just once, but several times.
In the midst of all of this chaos and uncertainty I frequently found myself looking for something — anything — to hang on to. Everything changed, and is still changing, at such a rapid pace that sometimes it makes my head spin. The only way I know to find some solid ground or some steady landmark to cling to is to look to the past…to look to a time when everything was still simple and easy and sure.
You see, in my memories of Christmas when I was a kid, the trees were taller; lights were brighter; food was better; and gifts were more plentiful. I even see the Christmas when I had pneumonia and could barely get out of bed through a lens that somehow filters out all of the negative light and only lets in that which is good, and happy, and upbeat! I feel relatively certain that our Christmas trees were no taller than they are now. I’m sure that the lights we put on them are no less bright now than then. It is highly likely that the food we eat now is just as good as what we ate then. And, I’m positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that there were no more gifts under then tree then. But, that is surely not how I see it in my mind’s eye and when I go back there, I cannot help but smile.
So my insistence on putting up lights and trees; on giving gifts and getting together with family and friends is not just because I”m greedy or selfish or because I’ve fallen into the consumerist trap! My insistence on these things is because so very many things have changed in my life the last few years that I have to hold on to something that has never changed. The memory of those Christmases is that vivid and that strong and that steady for me. I can hold to it and I know it will not change.
I am haunted by a lot of ghosts…far too many to name here. But these ghosts of Christmases past are especially powerful forces. They keep me tied to something that I don’t want to lose, and they stay the same from year to year no matter how everything else around me changes.
After this coming May everything will have changed again. I have no idea where I will be one year from now, nor do I know what I will be doing. The thought of that, while exciting on one hand, scares me silly on the other. As I sit here in my bedroom, listening to the rain fall on the roof and looking out my window I can see the glow of our Christmas lights shining through. It looks exactly the same as it did one year ago and I know that it will look the same again.
That is why Christmas traditions mean so much to me. They are the ghosts I do not mind welcoming in. They are old friends who make me realize that as much as things change every day, other things stay the same and will always be there to go back to.
Lesson #1: BREATHE!
“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart: I am, I am, I am.” ~Sylvia Plath
Of all the lessons I have learned, not just over the last five years, but in my entire life, this one is without a doubt the single most vital and at the same time the most elusive! My brain is a very ordered, measured and methodical place. Consequently, my life is the same — except when it is not. I do not care for chaos, clutter, disorder or disorganization. I need everything around me to be in its proper place. Unfortunately, life rarely, if ever works that way. Most of the time life seems to be successive periods of chaos punctuated by moments of peace. That’s why breathing comes in so handy!
I remember a couple of months after my accident when I was still recovering at home but I had already begun singing again in Dallas. We were preparing for a concert and because of the distance I was away from where we rehearsed, I had missed several and was very unsure about whether or not I would be ready to sing. One afternoon, I was sitting at my desk trying to learn the words to a song we were going to perform in the concert. The song was in French and on my best day French is my nemesis where singing is concerned. I became very frustrated with myself and the situation. I picked up the phone and called our director and before he could finish saying, “hello” I began rattling on and on about how I would never be able to learn the songs before the concert and how he should just take me off the program. I will never forget what he said to me:
“Young man, BREATHE!!”
Once I finally did stop long enough to breathe, he told me I would be fine; that I would learn the songs and that even if I didn’t learn every syllable of every word in every song, the world would not end and the concert would not be ruined. He told me that if I didn’t get ahold of myself and start taking deep breaths and looking around at the world that I would make myself crazy. “You must keep breathing,” he said. “Keep breathing!”
I am a singer. I have been trained in controlling my breath while I am performing. I should know how important breathing is, right? But, for some reason, there are days when I simply forget to do it. I forget to stop what I am doing long enough to breathe in this life that I was first given and then spared! When everything around me seems in complete disarray, I sometimes forget to just step away from it and breathe in what is good and right. So, on a daily basis I have to remind myself to breathe! I heard a quote years ago and I wish I could remember who said it. It goes something like this: “If you have opened your eyes and are still breathing, congratulations! You have been given another chance.” That is so very true.
The lesson is simple: when all else fails, BREATHE! Don’t waste time worrying over what cannot be changed or what has already happened. Look around at where you are and who you are; close your eyes and inhale! Congratulations! You have been given another chance!!
So, that’s it. Those are the five lessons I have learned in the last five years. I am 40 years old now and I still cannot answer Rusty’s question with any certainty. I have no idea where I will be five years from now, but I can promise you this: it will not be where I am now! The geography may remain the same, but I certainly won’t. You see, although I am not sure where I will be, I know that I have the ability to go wherever I wish to go. There is no fear in not knowing; there is only fear in not doing!
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Jason Walker
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Night
Love Is An Orientation
Beyond Belief
