A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 22, 2017)

A little wit

Put a ring on it….(from SurferSam.com)
When John found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

wedding-ring-pictures-1“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said as he walked up to her, “but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later she became his stepmother.

 


sun-tzuA little wisdom

“He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious.” –Sun Tzu, 544-496 BC (Read more about him.)

 


A little whatever

On February 22, 1997, biotechnology innovators Ian Wilmut, Keith Campbell, and other colleagues at the Roslin Institute at the University of Edinburgh, Scotland, announced that they had successfully cloned the first mammal from an adult somatic cell. Dolly the sheep was born on July 5, 1996. She lived almost seven years until she died of lung disease on Valentine’s Day 2003.

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 21, 2017)

A little wit.

Jesus is my….co-pilot? (from SurferSam.com)
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.

As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

“You know” he said, “I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?”

billy-grahamThe driver said, “No problem. Have at it.”

Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off down the highway.

A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, “I know we are supposed to enforce the law…But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.”

The supervisor asked, “Is it the Governor?”

The young trooper said, “No, he’s more important than that.”

The supervisor said, “Oh, so it’s the President.”

The young trooper said, “No, he’s even more important than that.”

The supervisor finally asked, “Well then, who is it?”

The young trooper said, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”


pattonA little wisdom.

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” –Gen. George S. Patton, 1885-1945 (Read more about him.)


 

A little whatever.

On February 22, 1980, the “Miracle on Ice” took place in Lake Placid, NY at the Winter Olympic Games. The United States Olympic men’s hockey team, made up mostly of college students who had never played professionally, scored an upset victory over the heavily favored Soviet team, 4-3. The United States team moved on to the finals, where they defeated Finland to win the Gold Medal while the Soviets were forced to settle for the Bronze. The famed event was dramatized twice, first for television in 1981’s Miracle on Ice, and then later in 2004’s Miracle.

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 20, 2017)

A little wit.

The potty mouth…(from SurferSam.com)
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

toiletSomeone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!”

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . … )

“Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”


abe-lincolnA little wisdom.

“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.” —Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865 (Read more about our 16th president.)


presidents-dayA little whatever.

Some Presidents Day trivia from The Oakland Press News

• Observed federally as “Washington’s Birthday” on the third Monday of February in honor of the first Commander-in-Chief’s birthday; George Washington was born Feb. 22, 1732.

• Different states observe the holiday differently; some celebrate just Washington, others Washington and 16th president Abraham Lincoln (who was born Feb. 12, 1809), or a combination of several or all U.S. presidents. In Michigan, it’s officially called “President’s Day.”

• Presidents Day began in 1800 after the death of Washington in 1799 as a means to remember the “Father of the Country,” going unofficially observed through most of the 19th century.

• President Rutherford B. Hayes signed the holiday into federal law in 1879, but only for Washington, D.C.; it expanded to all of the states at the time in 1885.

• Is the first U.S. holiday to specifically observe an individual.

• Was incorporated into the Uniform Monday Holiday Act in the late 1960s, which shifted several federal holidays to predetermined Mondays to reduce employee absenteeism and provide a three-day weekend. Additionally, a provision was made to include both Washington’s birthday (Feb. 22) and Lincoln’s (Feb. 12).

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 19, 2017)

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. Your daily dose of humor, of words that hopefully make a difference, and of some of the trivia that floats around in my brain all the time. I hope these posts bring some levity and light into your day. As always, if you like it, please hit the like button below (yes, you’ll be asked for your email address, but you’re NOT signing up for anything…I promise), and most importantly share, Share, SHARE!! I’d really appreciate it if you did. 🙂

75287815A Little Wit

Kiss my—CHEEK…(from SurferSam.com)

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”


elbert_hubbard_portrait-68b31270bd9a97cefb2b81b29930d8dfA Little Wisdom

“Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway.” –Elbert Hubbard, 1856-1915 (Read more about him.)


donnerA Little Whatever

On February 19, 1847, 45 of the original 89 members of the Donner Party reached California. They set out for California from Springfield, Illinois in early 1846. Led by Jacob and George Donner, the group was taking a new route to California. The travelers were trapped just north of Lake Tahoe with no porivisions or survival skills since October of 1846. Rumors soon spread that members of the group resorted to cannibalism in order to survive the harsh winter in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 18, 2017)

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. Your daily dose of humor, of words that hopefully make a difference, and of some of the trivia that floats around in my brain all the time. I hope these posts bring some levity and light into your day. As always, if you like it, please hit the like button below (yes, you’ll be asked for your email address, but you’re NOT signing up for anything…I promise), and most importantly share, Share, SHARE!! I’d really appreciate it if you did. 🙂

pers_zalkovsky_iraq_lgA Little Wit

Be all that you can be…(from SurferSam.com)

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?” the teacher asked.

“Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in the Iraq war and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

“Good Heavens” said the horrified teacher. “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she’s drinking!”


james-baldwinA Little Wisdom

“The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.” –James Baldwin, 1924-1987 (Read more about him.)


plutoA Little Whatever

On February 18, 1930, astronomer Clyde W. Tombaugh, working at the Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, discovered the ninth planet in our solar system, Pluto. Its discovery and existence was publicly announced on March 13, 1930, the anniversary of Percival Lowell, who first theorized the existence of a ninth planet (it was also the anniversary of William Herschel’s discovery of Uranus). Pluto’s status as a planet fell into question in 1992 following the discovery of several objects of similar size in the Kuiper belt, the region of the outer solar system where Pluto exists. In 2006, the International Astronomical Union announced that Pluto would no longer be considered a planet, and was reclassified a dwarf planet. In 2015, NASA’s New Horizon spacecraft passed closer to Pluto than any spacecraft ever had and returned new photos and scientific data about the dwarf plant, providing a completely new perspective for scientists.

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. (February 17, 2017)

A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. Your daily dose of humor, of words that hopefully make a difference, and of some of the trivia that floats around in my brain all the time. I hope these posts bring some levity and light into your day. As always, if you like it, please hit the like button below (yes, you’ll be asked for your email address, but you’re NOT signing up for anything…I promise), and most importantly share, Share, SHARE!! I’d really appreciate it if you did. 🙂

man-sitting-on-the-bottom-of-the-swimming-pool-under-water-fj1b33A Little Wit

Still waters run deep…(from SurferSam.com)

Jim and Edna were both patients in a psychiatric hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna, she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged. Because you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”

Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”

“How soon can I go home?”


stl0243eliot_409043kA Little Wisdom

“Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.” –George Eliot [Marian Evans Cross], 1819-1880 (Read more about her.)


meryl-davis-charlie-white-gold-medal-ftrA Little Whatever

Charlie White and Meryl Davis became the first Americans to win the Ice Dancing Gold Medal on February 17, 2014 at the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Since 1976 when the competition was first introduced, Russian (Soviet, pre-1992) pairs have dominated the sport, winning gold 7 of 11 times, and 18 of 33 total medals.

The Gas Station Motif — A recurring life theme

When I was about fifteen years old, during a visit with his family at Christmas time, my dad told me that the shirt I was wearing made me look like I worked in a gas station. He then proceeded togap-shirt lecture me about the importance of “dressing for success.” (The shirt, by the way, was a yellow and black plaid shirt that I bought at The Gap. They were very fashionable at the time.) That conversation actually stung quite a bit at the time and still sits with me all these years later. Silly, right? Well…..

You see, I’ve always had this fear of being a complete failure. So strong is that fear that it has, in years past, led me to abandon progress just as success is within reach. That is part of the reason it took 22 years for me to finally settle down and earn a college degree. That fear of failure drives much of the anxiety that I experience from day-to-day. So, the notion that maybe I should be working in a gas station is never far from the back of my mind; and it is sort of recurring theme in my life.

A few weeks ago I read a story that someone shared on Facebook which compared starting salaries at QuickTrip (QT) gas stations and convenience stores to the starting salaries of teachers in the Tulsa, OK school district. Granted, these salary comparisons are often skewed by various factors, but the fact remains that the fact that a comparison of the two is even remotely close is, on its face absurd. I haven’t seen such a comparison with other districts either in Oklahoma, in Texas, or any other state, but I qtsuspect that they would raise a similar level of ire. What does any of that have to do with me worrying about having to go to work in a gas station?

Well, you see it’s like this: when I got sick during the school year last year and had to resign my position, I didn’t really know what I was going to do. I applied for positions in three nearby districts at the beginning of this year, but was not even called for an interview in any of them. I’ve looked for opportunities to teach online to no avail. I did online tutoring for several months, but the position was so part-time that it didn’t even come close to paying my bills. So, recently I took a position providing technical support to Comcast internet customers. It’s a work-from-home position, so it requires little in the way of travel, food expenses, clothing, etc. And the pay…well, I won’t even go into that. But, it’s a job, right? Right. And I’m happy to have it.

On Tuesday I had a 79-year-old woman tell me that if she lived through the day it would not be because I had made her life any easier. Any of you who’ve communicated with me via email know that below my signature is a quote most often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, which reads in part, “To know one life has breathed easier because you have lived–THIS is to have succeeded.” So, what she said kinda hit me in the gut, especially since there was nothing I could do in the first place since the problem wasn’t due to Comcast.

Yesterday, my first call of the day was from a man who could not verify any of the information on his account. He couldn’t give me the right address, nor could he provide the right telephone number. Rules specifically forbid us from making any changes to accounts unless they are fully verified. When I told him this he said (if you’re sensitive to bad language, skip over the following quote):

“Well, you’re a stupid mother fucker and maybe you should be working in a gas station.”

There it is again! The gas station motif. What the heck is it with people telling me I need to work in a gas station and seeing articles about how people who work in gas stations make more money than teachers?

Now, while I’m writing this little tale partially for laughs, you must know that this is starting to get to me a little bit. I’m not stupid. Far from it, actually. I know I’m a little flighty–okay, I’m a lotgas-station flighty. And, I know that I have a serious case of wanderlust, but geeeeeez! Do people really think I should be working in a gas station somewhere?

For people like me with anxiety about…well, pretty much everything, stuff like this, while humorous in a way, also really hits home. See, I’m a little lost in the weeds right now as far as what I want to do, where I want to go, and who I want to be. And that scares me…A LOT! So, when people tell me I need to work in a gas station (over and over and over again), it kinda makes me wonder…

Maybe they have a point?