A little wit. A little wisdom. And a little whatever. Your daily dose of humor, of words that hopefully make a difference, and of some of the trivia that floats around in my brain all the time. I hope these posts bring some levity and light into your day. As always, if you like it, please hit the like button below (yes, you’ll be asked for your email address, but you’re NOT signing up for anything…I promise), and most importantly share, Share, SHARE!! I’d really appreciate it if you did. 🙂

employment-handbookA Little Wit

Company Policy: Effective Immediately…(from SurferSam.com)

Dress Code:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management Team


franA Little Wisdom

“The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.” –Fran Lebowitz, 1950– (Read more about her.)


barbie-and-teddyA Little Whatever

On February 15, 1903, the first Teddy Bear made its appearance…a day late, perhaps?

–and–

In 1959, the first Barbie Doll was produced in the United States. She had strawberry blonde hair and wore a zebra-style one-piece swimsuit.

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