The trouble with options

I have never been very good at making choices — well, not at making good ones, anyway.

I like to put on a good face when it comes to wisdom and it has worked with a lot of people. God only knows why, but there are people in this world who think of me as wise. I just let them go on thinking it, but that is not a word I would use to describe myself despite my pontification(s)! With wisdom comes the ability to make good choices and, let’s face it, I have yet to prove myself able to do that.

Now, here I am faced with the realization that in about five months time I will need to make some of the biggest choices I have ever had to make. Presumably, if all goes well between now and then, I will have multiple options in front of me. The prospect of this scares me to the point that I don’t even want to think about it most days. But, right now, while we’re on winter break, I don’t have a lot to think about other than that. So, here I sit….at 7:00 in the morning, in my living room, my legs wrapped in a knitted throw, with my cat sitting next to me looking at me quizzically as if she knows the weight of the world is on my shoulders but can’t do anything to help. (Or, maybe she just wants me to feed her….) Add the soft glow of my still-lit Christmas tree and the whole scene is positively theatrical!

But, I digress…

I’m applying for three graduate programs in English: Texas Christian University (PhD in Comp/Rhet), Texas Tech (PhD in Tech Comm/Rhet) and the University of Texas at Arlington (MA in Comp/Rhet). Those are listed in my order of preference. I have no idea if I will be accepted to any of those three programs and its entirely possible I will not, but I suppose it is equally possible that I could be accepted to all three. The Texas Tech program is an online program, but the other two are traditional. To start either of them would mean moving, finding a job, a place to live, etc; a daunting task in this current economic crisis!

There is also the option of simply finding a job and moving without graduate school in the mix. When I moved back home in late 2006 with the intention of returning to school to finish my degree I never intended the move to be permanent. I love my family, but I’m not particularly fond of living in small town East Texas. It works for many people, but it just doesn’t work for me. The trouble with this option is obvious: finding a job right now is not the easiest thing in the world to do. Oh, and there is also the issue of not having any furniture since I sold it all  after I moved back home. I guess I could sit in a lawn chair……..

Last (and least favorite) is the option of staying put for the time being. I have a job that I like. My family is here and I like them. Some have suggested that once I finish my degree I will be offered a better job although I have seen no indication of this and am doubtful about the possibility. Nonetheless, staying is an option. It would mean some time to decompress after four years of the stress accompanied with attending school full-time and working full-time. There’s no doubt I could use the break.

These are all options, but they’re all options that hinge on something else. So, why am I worrying about them now? Because I know that once the pieces all fall into place I will need to make a decision fairly quickly and my history with quick decisions does not paint a picture of prudence or practicality. (Nice alliteration, huh?) That’s why I have to at least think about them now. My brain is a lot like the engine in an old car: it works best after it warms up for a while!

Any thoughts here would be most appreciated.